The Grief We Don’t Talk About

Growing pains. Roads never taken. A friendship slowly fading. Loss of trust. A childhood never lived. An estranged parent. A version of yourself you never became.

When most people hear the word grief, they think of losing a loved one to death. And while that can be one of the most painful forms of grief, it’s not the only one. Grief is a natural emotional response to any significant loss, not just the loss of a person, but the loss of routines, roles, relationships, dreams, or parts of ourselves.

Some examples of non-death losses we can grieve include:

The loss of a relationship, whether through a breakup, divorce, or fading friendship.

This kind of loss isn’t just about the person. It’s about the daily rituals, like the “How’s your day going, honey?” texts, the sense of home, future plans, shared communities, and the version of yourself that existed in that relationship.

The loss of a job, career path, or sense of purpose.

Change almost always carries grief. We often have to release something familiar to make space for something new. Student to graduate, intern to employee, parents to empty nesters. Each transition holds both gain and loss.

The loss of health.

Any change in physical or mental ability can bring grief for the “before” version of yourself or your body.

The loss of the future you thought you’d have, whether that’s a career path, a life opportunity, having children, or where you expected to be by a certain age. This might look like a failed fertility journey, a visa rejection, or a canceled wedding.

The loss of trust.

Grieving the ability to feel safe and secure in something or someone you relied on, such as a relationship, religion, government, or even yourself. Betrayal, war, and natural disasters can all fracture that sense of safety.

These losses may be quieter or less visible, but the pain is real.

Grief can also arrive before a loss fully happens. Anticipatory grief is that slow-burning ache that shows up when a relationship is on the edge or a loved one is living with illness.

Many forms of grief go unrecognized or disenfranchised, such as losing a pet, a pregnancy, or grieving someone lost to incarceration. These losses are often carried quietly, especially when they aren’t socially validated. That doesn’t make them any less real.

When grief goes unacknowledged, shame often follows.

Why can’t I focus? Why do I feel so different? Why can’t I just get over it? These questions reflect the pressure many of us feel to move on quickly, even though healing takes time. A powerful first step is simply naming what’s happening. This is grief. When we recognize it, we can begin working with it instead of feeling stuck or confused. What you’re feeling is natural. It’s human.

If any of these experiences resonate with you and you’d like support navigating any face of grief, schedule a free 20-minute consultation with me to connect - I'd love to walk alongside you in your healing process.

With love,

Kalie Pham, LMFT

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Kalie Pham, LMFT (#156007), is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the founder of Inner Compass Therapy in Santa Monica, California. She specializes in couples therapy, EMDR, and identity-focused individual work. Kalie blends attachment-based, narrative, and somatic approaches to help clients understand themselves, heal relationship patterns, and move toward more grounded connection.