Communication Problems in Relationships: Why You Keep Missing Each Other
- kalie03
- Jul 14
- 2 min read
Updated: Oct 30
Every couple struggles with communication at some point. Maybe you keep talking in circles, or every attempt at resolution turns into misunderstanding or defensiveness. When we talk about communication problems in relationships, we’re really talking about what happens underneath the words.
Often, each partner is fighting for something that feels vital (validation, reassurance, belonging) but those needs get buried under frustration or fear. One person might push for answers while the other retreats for safety. Both are trying to protect connection, but it ends up feeling like disconnection.
When partners miss each other like this, it helps to pause and listen for emotion, not just logic. Instead of trying to be “right,” ask yourself: What am I actually trying to say? What is my partner trying to tell me beneath their tone?
Research in attachment theory shows that communication issues are rarely about the content of the argument; they’re about the bond. We communicate best when we feel secure enough to risk being vulnerable.
In therapy or even in your own reflection, practice soft starts (“I feel…” instead of “You always…”) and check your nervous system. Are you speaking from a grounded place or from reactivity? Slowing down helps your body send a message of safety, which invites openness rather than defensiveness.
Healthy communication isn’t about perfect dialogue; it’s about curiosity. When both people feel safe enough to stay curious, the words begin to land.
Kalie Pham, LMFT (#156007), is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the founder of Inner Compass Therapy in Santa Monica, California. She specializes in couples therapy, EMDR, and identity-focused individual work. Kalie blends attachment-based, narrative, and somatic approaches to help clients understand themselves, heal relationship patterns, and move toward more grounded connection.
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